黑暗的画面

最近心情糟透了，没心情就算我再怎样安慰自己我还是不会活起来。我的母亲用尽了方法安慰我但是还是没结果，SPM是我的陷阱我真的掉下去了，我看轻SPM 的程度，我受伤了，自傲的下场就是让我们掘个坑，把自己的身体埋进去。我不需要别人不断安慰我因为我了解我需要勇气去面对。我难过是因为我介意结果，失去了就是失去了，伤心也的活下去，我知道我会振作但我需要的是时间。淑薇！加油。。。Spm just the pathway for me to further my education , it is just a pass although i could not archive my hope my life still have to getting on ... 人生不在乎时时地成功而是从失败中站起来。。

His image is keep rotating in my mind .. ^^

Crazy tired , wow ! But i am excited although my energy is exhausted when i went for kick boxing i injured my leg . Damn painful but i still continue the lesson because i paid it . Ok ! back to my topic .. My dear naughty is keep busy for his exam , next will be me too . ^^ . LOng time no date with him , no sayang him and no take picture with him .. I really miss u dear ... Hiz , sometimes dun know how to determine our relationship it is always meet problems ... I cannot love u like others couple love thiers partner ... I always notice at ur post , hoping that u will post sth interested for me so i can know how is ur situation going on . I hope u always support what i am doing , i hope u cannot accompany with me because i dun want become lonely like last time . I know i am independent but sometimes i also need ur shoulder . =.=  I hope u can help me for this coming event just hope i can feel different situation with u ... I know u not like so i also not going to force u . ^^ Anyway i hope u can take care me more after ur exam ,,

The shinny sun will always guide me the way

Actually 19 of  March is our anniversary but this time is the worse . He forget this and i just remember last midnight...He remember before the day but suddenly he forget . I went to his house for meeting , during 3 hours period i cant see him even though his shadow . I am so curious about that why ? If i am his gf , just one minute i also will go down to have a look , at least say HI . He failed to do that . I tell myself he is busy for this preparation thats what i think optimistic at him . After the meeting we went to celebrate yong wei birthday . This suprise not really good planning , failed but still ok . I sat beside him but we didn't chat as no reaction between 2 of us .. That time i was so boring so i am investigating yong wei's bf . Funny right ? because i want to determine why that guy will choose our lovely yong wei ? She spent a lot from that guy , i am sure for that ... She used up all her money to buy for her own things ... ^^ I flirt him but he like no reaction finally i give up , stop doing anything just sit down for fun .. ^^ 

    When i went to toilet before i go back , Qi Hong suppose to fetch me home because I want him go back early to prepare for his exam . But he made me so so shy to explain with my mum because i told my mum that Yee pin is not going for the meeting  , =.= . I did nth actually just because of the anniversary made my day super low ........ Die man ! Everything will be alright so i think i will be better tomorrow ... ^^ I cant see him tomorrow nvm , normal for me . 

   I keep crying but i control myself not too loud , i scared my mum will know everything , as i dun want her to be sad at my action . I am so down for that but i have to smile .. When i was washing my dish my tears keep dropping from my face . I keep washing my face so everyone wont know this . I told him today is a bad day . haha ! One ppl suddenly come to my group telling that he want to join us , he did nth but get benefit without any effort . NOt fair ! Super angry almost dying heart muscle contract .. When i talked with yee pin by phone that time i am Hernzing , is difficult to breath ... Luckily i am fine now . Just now when i need to use printer the printer is out of function . Wat a bad day for me .. I keep scolding whats wrong with me TAN SOO WAY , but that time i only realize that he is having exam tomorrow .. So sorry for my nonncent stuff....  I keep trying to service the printer yes i got it .. ^^ great ! I told myself spend time for myself not to be so frustrated always . Without him i can still alive .The things i need from him just a simple fact , that is care...

Miss him...

I miss him . Really .. Whole mind with his shadow but just shadow. He is preparing for his exam which is going to start on next Monday . He is suffering for his examination as well as the sickness that his affected. I cannot stay with him sadly to say that i cannot do anything for him . I also having my test next 3 weeks as this month will be a challenged month. Presentation , test and SPM results release on this month too. I just want to tell him my words but cannot , the time for face to face also not match ... God , just hope we can meet each other soon . I just want to tell him sth , I register genting theme park card which mean that i can go there as many times i like . My mummy also agree that i go with friends with helping me to book for the hotel .^^ great ! I saw so many couples there , so sweeeeeeeettttttt. Just imagine the time when both of us can be like them. *_*

       I went to kick boxing just now on the way back to my dom , i saw my couple friends go out , i think both of them celebrating thier 2 months anniversary . So nice right ... As there are so much of matches going on this month in Inti IU , so excited ! Going shopping on this wed buy my beg , ^^ Have to enjoy before spm results release . The moral video clips i have to rush for it thats why i am going to stay back , going back this sat morning by ktm . My friends like getting lesser suddenly feeling that i like lonely . I think i have to make more friends . ^^ The mr inti and miss inti having competition on wednesday sure i am going to support my friend. 

     U are still sick , take good care of yourself. I miss u with all my love too. ^^

我感觉无奈

今天我感觉空虚，虽然我的时间表派的满满的根本没有时间吃午餐但一放学后满脑子都想着他。我不知道为什么自己好像改变了，以前的我可以接受他忙碌的生活而不去打扰他，现在的我确是很在乎他和我的时间。看见我的同学每天手牵手，甜甜蜜蜜的在一起心里是多么的开心。一旦想到与他的生活确是难以形容，我到底是不是很傻呢？我好久都没有感受到那真真的甜蜜，好怀念他对我的细心，好久都感受不到了。到底我们要维持多久呢？我明白他很忙碌，睡觉的时间都不够，这些我都明白但我不忿气为什么我们的距离不远但是见面的时间好像很少呢？无奈，不知道要和他说些什么，虽然我多累我会坚持与他谈天，使我太傻了吗？3月19日又是我们周年纪念，他考试我明白了。因为他的忙碌我们的距离也是保持不变，有时我在想我们是不是太久了？而他不在意我的心情和感受呢？虽然他说爱我但是。。。。。。。我感受不到。渐渐的我感觉我自己好像代替品没有利用价值了。我明白自己不可以再这样下去，我的等待也是等待，要怪就怪自己的眼光吧！我太天真了，每次想他会为我而改变但是事情不是我想的那么简单。。。。。。。。

The days without yee pin

Long time I not meet with him , both of us are so busy at our stuff . I am busying for my homework as well as suffering from my spm result which will release next week . I am nervous about it but its over , i cannot do anything just can accept everything that going to reach my faith . This is not the main point that i want to tell at this blog,my yee pin also very busy at his assignment , test and exam . He is busy for that sure no time to accompany me , sure i will feel not comfortable. I think almost 2 months we not go for dating .. Hiz . Staying so near but cannot meet with each other . We meet a lot of trouble when we outing , so so so irritating , i hate it . Sometimes i think that am i single ? Why my life is like .... similar with single life people . I can do everything in school without any restriction i suppose to be controlled sometimes > < I love freedom actually but i am a girl who have a boyfriend i hope he will always protect me . I settle all my things by my self it is not that nice actually , i need people helps but i cant . When i am free i like to sms with him but he cannot make it . Thats why i find others to chat with me . I mostly find my dear but i know he is busy . The rejection from him is not feeling good which i cannot accept it well , I always tell myself study is the most important thing but i feeling i have to touch my words. I know i can handle it by getting more job for myself . 

    Besides , i know a guy name Jake Ng . We know each other from the camp where was organized at Melacca . He told me that I looks like his girlfriend , keep flirting at me but i reject it > i know that who is my love one but i cannot tell him on the spot . =.=